Toddlerhood—-How important is Independence? Learning to eat with utensils, undressing and dressing, putting on a coat, potty training? How crucial is it for the toddler to master? “I love my baby. I don’t mind helping. This time won’t last forever. It’s quicker to just do it myself so we can get going.”

Let’s explore this topic.

Do toddlers need to learn these life skills within a narrow developmental time frame? No, each child is different in their acquisition of skills. During the 2’s and beyond children start to show some variance in learning skills based on their preferences. Their interests begin to define what skills they are eager to learn. What if they don’t have an interest in life skills?

Developmentally toddlers have a strong interest in independence. With solid object permanence and better memory, they are well aware that “what I want still exists even if Mom hides it”. They have the language now to request those things. They have even experienced “putting up a fuss” and having the parent respond by producing an item. They now know how to assert themselves. This leads them to explore and be rewarded by asserting their independence.

Life skills like dressing and going potty are opportunities for more independence from parents. “I can choose my own clothes and wear a princess dress if I want.” “I can keep comfortable by not having to sit in a wet or dirty diaper. I can also garner attention, on demand, by calling “potty” and check out bathrooms in lots of different places”.

Being independent in skills means that I don’t need to rely on a parent. It builds the toddler’s self esteem and feelings of mastery. Those positive feelings become strong internal rewards for the toddler’s efforts to “Do it myself”. This sense of competency further encourages the child’s self-motivation. An independent, self-motivated child of school age increases the likelihood of success academically. This is most parent’s desired outcome of parenting by school age.

Perhaps your toddler shows this self-motivation and independence in some areas (such as pretend play, or learning how to access You Tube on your Smart TV, phone, or tablet), but shows no interest in learning life skills? Think about how often your toddler gets the opportunity to “practice” getting You Tube to work or how to make multi-part toys work. Often, they have had many, many opportunities to do so and are highly motivated to persist in the learning. Then ask yourself how many opportunities your child has had to put on their coat by themselves, use the potty, or feed themselves a semi solid (like applesauce) with a spoon? If the answer is not “many, many times”, perhaps your toddler hasn’t had enough opportunity to practice.

Most children need multiple opportunities repeated day after day to learn new skills, including Life Skills. They also need not entirely take over your day. Perhaps leaving in the morning is rushed, so a parent helps with many tasks so everyone can get out the door in time. Practice can occur anytime! In the evening when there is more time encourage your toddler to “put on their coat” with a short run outside as the reward for success. (The important part is set the ground rules, ie “If you put your coat on by yourself (not including the zipper) we can run outside, jump up and down 10 times and run back inside”). Allow your toddler to practice putting on an old shirt of yours, or putting on your shoes. Then switch and have them put on their shoes while you put on yours. Set up practice opportunities daily for your toddler and their interest in these skills is likely to increase dramatically.

Practice makes perfect!

If you are interested in more information about helping your toddler become more independent, set up an online consultation with me through my website on the Services Page. Helping parents help children grow.

Happy Parenting!

Penni Romero

How often do you hear, “What does a tiny baby do but eat, sleep, and poop?” Not quite true!

By 6 – 8 weeks of age babies move out of the newborn phase of mostly eating and sleeping. Some babies are showing significant alertness by 4 weeks or earlier! As the newborn moves into their 2^nd month of life, they begin to notice and to respond to more of the world around them.

How 2 month old babies move: It may look uncoordinated and random, but the baby is starting to try out intentional movements. The baby may see a toy hanging above them and cycle their arm towards the toy. Even if they don’t connect with the toy, the movement towards the toy may be intentional. Occasionally the baby does connect with a big “batting” movement. At first it is an accident, but the baby learns “that worked” and may try the same strategy again.

How 2 month old babies see: This little baby is starting to focus on objects in front of them, especially if the object / person is only 8” to 12” away. Faces are really interesting! There are distinct parts on a face and the mouth is moving if adults are talking to them. Your baby may watch your face intently if you are holding them facing you while you talk to them. Babies this age are starting to follow moving objects with their eyes some.

How 2 month old babies began to interact (pre-language development): Since faces are very interesting, the 2 month old baby may be more responsive to an adult talking to them than looking at a toy. The baby lets you know they are interested by looking directly at the adult. When the adult stops talking, the baby may purse their lips as if trying to speak, or squirm their body. This is a clue that they have been listening and are now responding (as best as they can). The adult may notice that when they start talking again that the baby stops moving and listens. This is the beginning of reciprocal social interaction! At 2 months of age!

How 2 month old babies hear: Two month old babies can hear sounds and move their head towards the sound source. They can distinguish very familiar voices from unfamiliar. Infants particularly like high pitched rhythmic sounds, such as simple songs or melodies.

Two month old babies are beginning to find out about their world and can do so much more than basic life sustaining functions!

If you have questions about your baby’s development or would like to learn more about what your baby can do, schedule a session with Penni’s Early Developmental Strategies.

Contact Penni at promero0053@gmail.com.